La Mia Vita


Monday, June 12, 2006

instead of going to do something fun with my afternoon off, i came home and passed out for several hours. i guess i needed it. anyways, i also watched this special the food network was having on weddings where they catered this one couple's party. i had a typical girl realization: i want to be married. maybe what i really want is stability and, in my mind, that translates to a serious relationship. i don't know, but i know that i'm tired of drunk boys who need to get laid. just because i don't get wasted and stupid doesn't mean i don't want to have fun. i don't need people messing with me trying to get me to "loosen up." it's called personal space, and i think people at parties need to respect that. it's not just at parties; in general i let people push me around most of the time because i have a hard time standing up for myself. so i just want to seperate myself from all those things that make me feel crappy/annoyed. i think i'm stressed that regardless of how unfulfilling my relationships have been, i've always had amazing friendships to keep me sane. and now, even though i'm making good friends at work, i'm lacking the companionship i've always had. i have no roommates to come home to, nor do i have someone i can call anytime, just to do whatever. i love my work and right now i see no point in college if i'm already doing what i want. of course i don't want to quit, i still look forward to classes: i've just come to the realization that i'm ready to get on to the next phase of my life. each day i like austin more and more, but there's still a lot for me to discover here that will make me want to stay here long-term. i guess this is all a growing-up crisis. i miss the lazy days of summer, going to florida, waking up to my aunt making breakfast, family vacations, and everything about not having responsiblities. the funny thing is, i finally understand why my mother decided to move back to brasil after 12 years of living here: she never had time to stop and breathe. yeah, i complain about working, but i know i love it. i know she loves what she does as well, and i think about her working all day, but instead of being able to come home and rest, she still had to take care of four kids. and doing that without any family support is hard. i don't think i could handle that. i want my family around, and if that means going back to brasil, that's something i have to consider. eu tambem quero meu estilo de vida carioca, e isso ninguem aqui vai nunca entender. anyways, it's late and i want to watch the movie i rented.


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