La Mia Vita

randomness.

Friday, May 12, 2006

longest day e-v-e-r. after searching forever for a parking spot, i finally parked practically on Red River and walked my ass all the way to the tower to get a copy of my transcript. then i lost my phone, but alex managed to find it so it all ended up okay. i came prepared to study: water, coffee, chex mix, and nutribar. so i procrastinated forever, discovered that we have an audio visual library in the FAC, and i can rent cds and dvds (so excited)! i finished my 5th cup of coffee just in time to have a lady offer free red bulls to everyone who was studying. sooo needless to say, i'm not feeling too well. for some reason, too much caffeine makes me feel like i'm drunk...seriously, it's weird. it felt like forever walking back to my car. along the way i walked past the dorms and saw these kids just chillin on the steps, others sat around a hookah...and i started bawling. i just had never seen people here hanging out by the dorms at night, and it made me want so much to be them, to have that again. sometimes i think i traded my sanity for these 40 acres, and what i hope i'll get from my time here. i was walking past san jac, and it was playing mariah's "don't forget about us" and that didn't help in any way at all. looking at the stadium tonight, it was all so quiet and empty...kind of eerie and looming over me...it tripped me out.
i've done lots of french, but i don't feel prepared for my final tommorow. i know i won't be able to sleep for a while, but i'm wondering if at this point i still try to cram, or do i just throw it all up in the air and hope for the best? who knows. all i know is on my way home, all i wanted to do was drive far far away...or just go somewhere to be by myself. i want to escape the reality of school and grades, loneliness and missing, but i don't even have anywhere to go, much less the feeling of someone to turn to. not that my friends aren't amazing, but what i need isn't going to fix itself so soon.

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