La Mia Vita


Tuesday, May 30, 2006

wow...i'm tired, and i can tell because it feels like my body is shutting down. nothing that some doses of ibuprofen can't fix. work is getting a little overwhelming, but i'm sure it feels like that to everyone right now because we run our first issue thursday. i got my schedule at gap fixed, so now i officially cut back tons of hours and hopefully i'll be less stressed.
i had a wonderful weekend...didn't get much done, except work and hang out with nic...but it was nice to not worry about too much. too bad it's all gonna bite me in the ass now, since i have like a million things to do this week. if i don't get out of my old place by tommorow at noon, i pay %125 of my rent PER EXTRA DAY. ridamndiculous. so now i'm off to finish moving, and write some more tonight, and hopefully have a very busy, yet rewarding, day tommorow :)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

i haven't seen stephanie klein around town yet, but believe you me, once i do i'll be sure to let her know how much i enjoy reading everything she writes. sigh. perfect timing, to say the least...maybe not what i wanted to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts. who knows, maybe i'm getting ahead of myself with all my thoughts...
nice weekend: worked, played, hung out with friends. put off moving. today i was supposed to pack, but i'm being lazy, again. i went to the Texan and uploaded my Clinton speech, which is now a nice little iTunes file. i have a lot of work to do before june 1st in order to have my stories done for the first summer issue. maybe it's still a little early...but so far, no GR's have signed up for tryouts. it felt really weird to have the basement so empty. so after it got dark, me and behnaz left because we were the only ones there.
i need a planner, like one of those super-duper ones, to get myself organized. i have too many things to keep track of now, which means i can't depend on just my memory anymore. i'd forgotten about my cel bill, so i paid that today-minus $85. when the hell did that get so expensive? i used to have like a $35 plan, or something. with that, and keeping track of payments, appointments, etc...i need something to remind me of what needs to be done. preferebly something that makes noise, or talks to me: something goes off and tells me when something is due. a talking/interactive planner. that would be amazing.
i'm feeling anxious about this weekend...waaaay too anxious. quite frankly, what the hell am i supposed to expect? i don't know how much more i can heart feels heavy. is that weird? ohh, and i am now officially a junior! even though i got one C (french) and so my GPA went down, at least i can now register for the damn j315 class. i plan on also registering for a sociology class called aging and the life course-it's about death. i'm kinda really excited. strange, huh?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

on monday, me and alex-after we had our last final-went to walmart at something ridiculous like 3am (even though we hadn't had proper sleep in weeks) and got fun stuff like cute undies and fake nails. so now i'm trying to get used to my new nails, which actually look quite realistic and not as plastic-y as i'd thought they might look :)

in terms of school: i'm not looking at my grades until they're all in. i DID do really good on my j310 multiple choice, but that was an easy final, so i don't deserve much credit.

i wrote a story for the Texan (it's online @ on monday, and that was exciting, since i got to meet president powers, who was really nice and all. the whole Dell clan was there, and i don't think i knew that they had so many kids. anyways, now i'm looking forward to my next story...saturday i'm covering the Bill Clinton speech at the commencement ceremony for the school of public affairs. that should be exciting :)

tuesday was camila's party...hung out for a while, then met up with a friend and chilled at another party. i got home way too late, and got not-enough-sleep since my phone rang at 6:30am. it was my mother, who doesn't seem to care about the time difference between here and brazil. i do miss her, though. yesterday after i got sun, i came home and cooked (linguini sauteed in olive oil, garlic, mushrooms and artichoke hearts) and it reminded me of my mom. most weekends in brazil, she'll wake up early and take the kids to the beach, or the pool...and then come upstairs and cook us all lunch. i miss feeling like every weekend was a vacation. here, weekends are nothing but more work and not getting the time to stop and enjoy gorgeous days. which to me is the difference between life in rio, and life everywhere else.

today i'm cleaning, laying out again (which i did yesterday, and was it was wonderful), and perhaps packing. then i'm going to go out for dinner, with vicky and whoever else wants to come along. and i'll finish watching "legends of the fall" because i fell asleep last night in the middle of it. maybe i'll start reading part of "valley of the dolls." ash let me borrow it, but i know i won't get it done before she leaves, so i wonder if should even start. i have a bunch of books i'd like to get through this summer. hopefully i won't be too busy.

i need a haircut! and i don't want to pay $80 for some creative art director at a major salon! i just want a good cut, a reliable stylist, and a reasonable price.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

i had two finals more to go. i wanted to go out tonight, but since tommorow i have to work and study for my last final, i thought i'd stay in and watch a movie. i'm trying some new cranberry apple tea, it's delicious.
i think my political philosophy final went okay...i liked my essay, and the quote i.d.'s weren't too hard. textiles didn't go as well...but as i left, i started talking to this guy who was just walking out of his final as well. it was wierd because he was probably one of the first randomly friendly people i've encountered here. usually i just walk around campus and go about my own business, but it's nice to run into friendly strangers. i love first encounters.

Friday, May 12, 2006

longest day e-v-e-r. after searching forever for a parking spot, i finally parked practically on Red River and walked my ass all the way to the tower to get a copy of my transcript. then i lost my phone, but alex managed to find it so it all ended up okay. i came prepared to study: water, coffee, chex mix, and nutribar. so i procrastinated forever, discovered that we have an audio visual library in the FAC, and i can rent cds and dvds (so excited)! i finished my 5th cup of coffee just in time to have a lady offer free red bulls to everyone who was studying. sooo needless to say, i'm not feeling too well. for some reason, too much caffeine makes me feel like i'm drunk...seriously, it's weird. it felt like forever walking back to my car. along the way i walked past the dorms and saw these kids just chillin on the steps, others sat around a hookah...and i started bawling. i just had never seen people here hanging out by the dorms at night, and it made me want so much to be them, to have that again. sometimes i think i traded my sanity for these 40 acres, and what i hope i'll get from my time here. i was walking past san jac, and it was playing mariah's "don't forget about us" and that didn't help in any way at all. looking at the stadium tonight, it was all so quiet and empty...kind of eerie and looming over tripped me out.
i've done lots of french, but i don't feel prepared for my final tommorow. i know i won't be able to sleep for a while, but i'm wondering if at this point i still try to cram, or do i just throw it all up in the air and hope for the best? who knows. all i know is on my way home, all i wanted to do was drive far far away...or just go somewhere to be by myself. i want to escape the reality of school and grades, loneliness and missing, but i don't even have anywhere to go, much less the feeling of someone to turn to. not that my friends aren't amazing, but what i need isn't going to fix itself so soon.

Monday, May 08, 2006

what if we don't overcome the things we believe will fade away? i know things are never really forgotten but, for the most part, over time events just become memories. i think that's just an expected part of life; that we leave behind the old and move on to the new because we are constantly changing, just like everyone and everything around us. but what if we don't fully recover from a certain event? will it always be in the back of our minds? i was thinking about someone today, wondering if the reason he never settled was because he had lost the love of his life. the thought of regret scares me. i think you can be happy, but if you can't completely forget, then can you really be fulfilled? maybe sometimes we're not supposed to move on, but we do simply because we think it's the only option, or the right thing. and maybe there are times when we lose what could have been great, but we'll never know until it's too late.

more rain. many memories shared tonight. looking at old pictures, remembering good times. long day, my back aches. should i take an italian class over the summer? i think it'd be fun.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

i have no patience lately for anything or anyone. the only down time i have just doesn't seem enough, and all i want to do is chill and not have to worry about anything. but i feel selfish and rude, and i'm not quite sure why i've been acting like this.

i've been wondering too much about what he's been up to...just thinking about him in general. i try not to, with work and school, etc, but at the end of the day i just get sad. i feel like i always have something going on in my social life to take my mind off things, but this time i don't. i need a project, something that will motivate me. work motivates me; but i need a personal project right now. something to help the inner me, and really help me grow and move on. i need to make a list of ideas.

i'm watching country music videos, but none i've seen before. i miss feeling like i live in texas. yeah, austin is really cool. i fit in here, and i love spending time here and everything there is to do. but i miss dallas and this feeling i can't describe...being here in austin really does seem like you're in an oasis in the middle of the state, because everything is so different. i keep wondering if i'll fall in love with this place and not want to leave. it makes me sad to think i might one day not want to go back to dallas. i guess i just don't want to let go.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

round 2 of horrible weather. except this time i'm not freaking out (as much) and i don't have 2 tests to study for tommorow. i got back from a party tonight, and even though i wasn't sure i wanted to go out, it was officially the last day of classes, so i had to go party for a bit. the highlight of the night seemed to be when a girl decided to go jump in the pool, and then proceeded to run around naked for the remainder of the party. classy, no doubt. anywaaays...i did bad on my tests today, but i'm trying not to think about it. and hopefully by next week know whether or not i'm getting the SR position. i'm getting anxious about the summer now. the last most important thing is that i signed a lease on thursday for my apartment for the fall. i now have a new address as of august! i'm sooo excited about living in west campus, and being able to walk to classes. next year is going to be many times better than this year, for many reasons, but mainly because of location.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I want you to know one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-Pablo Neruda

Monday, May 01, 2006

this weekend went by really fast. friday was the TSP banquet, and i was glad i went. me and emily drove there...and it actually wasn't too far away. it was a lot of fun, and so was the Texan after-party.
saturday i worked all day, came home and had a trippy nap...i passed out, and woke up freaked out because it was already dark, and i thought it was like 6am and i had overslept for something. in reality, it was only 9pm and so i got up and decided to go to the grocery store to get milk because i wanted cereal. i think my sleep pattern is really getting messed up. anyways, so then ash convinced me to go to her friend (who happens to be from brazil) andre's party. met new people, ran into a friend... it was fun, pretty chill and i didn't even drink much, so nothing too outrageous. which is good, because i had to work all day today as well.
today i was in a really bad mood, though i don't know why. i watched grey's, and it made me really sad like always. it's usually a good sad, but today it just made me miss nic, and wonder if this is the right decision. and i cried, but not because of him, but because i'm so upset at myself for getting to this point where i don't care about school right now, and i'm scared this is going to the one time i won't get away with not getting shit done. this has just been one fucked up semester; good in a lot of ways, but overwhelming in many aspects. i just need it to be over.
gap was crazy hectic today, or maybe i was just overwhelmed. still, my shoes were killing me...and i was cranky. i came home and was feeling frustrated with everything, so i cleaned. i'm wondering if i have slight ocd, because i'm really paranoid about stuff like cleaning. my bathroom is spotless, though. and i did some of the kitchen and living room as well. the only thing that made me kinda feel better was thinking about shopping for furniture for my apartment next year. e-x-c-i-t-i-n-g. i'm going to go to tons of thrift and antique stores this summer to find some cool shit, because that almost makes me as happy as shoe shopping.